


And I

by lovinniel



Series: A Study In Science [3]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-12 02:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20124589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovinniel/pseuds/lovinniel
Summary: Ong Seongwoo copes with the crushing reality.This story relates to the current exposure.





	And I

Ong Seongwoo was okay.

He wasn’t feeling down. Definitely wasn’t great either. He’s just okay.

But right now he’s facing someone who’s surely going to turn his resolute belief upside down.

“I said I’m okay, hyung.”

“Sure. Totally supported by the fact that your eyes are puffed and there’s dry tears on your cheek. Otherwise I’d doubt that you’re actually honestly _fine_.”

Seongwoo glared at the older male in front of him, who looked back at him disapprovingly.

“I’m _fine_, Jisungie-hyung. It’s just-” Seongwoo hesitated on what to choose as scapegoat. Yoon Jisung wasn’t exactly the type of person he could fool freely. His voice got smaller as he whispered, “-allergies.”

“Creative, convenient, perfectly plausible.” Jisung’s voice sliced through Seongwoo as sharp as katana. “Though now we have to obviously search for the trigger. I suggest we begin with the news portal.”

“Don’t!” Seongwoo snapped and Jisung stopped in his track of typing into his browser.

“You’re going to tell me about it then?”

“No, hyung. Please.”

“Then enjoy.” Jisung sounded like a mad mage threatening to unleash the seventy-two demons of hell. “As I read aloud every line and headlines of the story.”

“OKAY, FINE.” Seongwoo’s head hurt when he screamed. “I- I’ll tell you about it.”

“That’s my dongsaeng.” Seongwoo could almost hear the triumphant cheer in his hyung’s voice.

“Why are you so curious about how I feel anyway?”

“You’re my dongsaeng. That’s not enough?”

Seongwoo replied with a bemused silence.

“I spent months lodging with both of you, Seongwoo. Kinda get a gist on how things are going for you two.”

_For us two._ Seongwoo mustered his strength to halt another mental breakdown at the phrase he knew had no chance of ever happening.

“What are you talking about? There’s no us, hyung. We’re friends. _Best friends_.”

“Right. And you falling to a drunken stupor for nights after the news of him dating is just pure coincidence. _Allergies_, is it?”

Seongwoo wanted to snipe back at Jisung for his untimely bout of sarcastic remarks and overly grating voice, but the emotions he had suppressed broke loose at the mention of the word ‘dating’. He lowered his face to his arms as tears flowed unchecked.

The weeping and whimpering male felt his hyung moved to the seat beside him. Seongwoo wasn’t ready for another caustic assault, but thankfully he wasn’t getting any. Instead he felt gentle caress on his shoulder. Jisung didn’t even try to spout empty encouraging words, maybe because he already knew Seongwoo wouldn’t be able to comprehend verbal language at the moment. That kind of understanding had only ever come from one person.

_Kang Daniel._

Seongwoo sobbed even harder at the thought of the name. He felt Jisung patting his head, trying to calm his down.

“You love him, don’t you?” _Bullseye, hyung._

“I won’t dare to say that.” Seongwoo let out a bitter chuckle.

Silence fell upon them as Seongwoo’s crying slowly died down. Seongwoo had never felt more miserable in twenty-four years of his life. He wanted to run away and huddled himself in his room beneath layers of blanket, sleeping through the bad years.

“He deserved to be happy, Seongwoo.”

Rage boiled inside his head and Seongwoo erupted from his chair.

“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT? OR YOU THINK I DON’T WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY? THAT IF MY LIFE SUCKS, HIS MUST BE TOO? YOU THINK THAT’S WHAT I WANT?” He shouted thunderously at Jisung, who remained seated, and, to Seongwoo’s annoyance, seemed to stay calm.

“No, Seongwoo. I-”

“I LOVE HIM, HYUNG! GOD, I SWEAR I DO. AND YET LOOK AT ME!” Seongwoo screamed at the top of his lungs.

Seongwoo thought he killed all the chatter in the place but he didn’t care. If Jisung wanted to hear his story, he’d have to receive it to the end. He didn’t want the older male to start rain down judgment on him before he could make clear his case.

“I love him. And yet I can’t even be happy seeing him happy.” Pain thrust on his chest as he gasped catching for breath. He fell down to his chair, partly ashamed for lashing out at Jisung. “I love him, hyung. And I- I can’t even say I’m happy for him.”

Jisung didn’t immediately respond, but his hand slowly patted Seongwoo.

“Perhaps you should tell him how you feel.”

“And risk not talking to him for the rest of my life?” Seongwoo snorted. “No thanks, hyung. Seeing the n- news, I can imagine what his answers will be.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe he felt the same for you. You’re close, after all-”

“No, hyung. Stop.” Seongwoo couldn’t bear it anymore. “The last thing I need is someone feeding me delusional hope that somehow we’ll end up together.”

Seongwoo raised his head again to see his hyung, whose face remained nonchalant as if unaffected by his dongsaeng’s volcanic outburst.

“Anyway, thanks, hyung. I think I do need to let it out.”

“No problem.” The tranquility in his voice bothered Seongwoo. The younger would rather hear the acerbic wit his hyung had demonstrated earlier. Even that was uncharacteristic of the usually merry though naggy Jisung, but this peaceful demeanor was even more unsettling.

“Do me a favor, though, hyung. Don’t tell him what I just said, okay?”

“It’s not that I can, either.” Jisung flashed him a strange smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you Ongcheongie.” Jisung grinned even wider which reminded Seongwoo of Chesire Cat. “Who am I?”

“W- what?” Seongwoo felt his heart pacing. Jisung had truly weirded him out. “J- Jisung-hyung?”

“What date is today?”

“A- August 7th. Why, hyung? W- what’s going on?”

“Who am I, Ong Seongwoo?” Jisung’s voice sounded like bell tolling from a distance, which raised goose bumps as fear rippled throughout Seongwoo. He didn’t like this The Riddler act and he wanted to get back home as soon as possible. Perhaps the alcohol had finally messed up his system.

“Hyung, I think I should probably go home. Just please don’t tell him or anyone, okay?”

“Hmm. But what about them, Seongwoo?” Jisung mused. “You do realize you shouted your love declaration, right?”

Colors rushed out of Seongwoo’s face and he felt cold. He had confessed his forbidden love out loud. This would probably equate a suicide note for both his and Daniel’s career. Seongwoo turned around to see how many people might have heard but instead he saw nobody. In fact he couldn’t see anything clear enough aside from Jisung.

Fear went rampant inside him as he looked back at the older male, who stared at him with a triumphant smile.

“Hyung. What the hell is going on?” _Where the hell are we?_

“I asked you questions before. Perhaps you should answer them again.”

_What the hell. Is that person not Jisung-hyung? Is today not August 7th, 2019?_

And then it struck Seongwoo like a lightning in a clear sky.

_August 7th, 2019 means Jisung-hyung is still being enlisted. He could not attend our 2nd anniversary reunion dinner. Damn, what the hell is truly going on?_

Seongwoo tried to remember the last recent memory. He called Jaehwan to say he might be a bit late. He got in a car to go to the meeting place. And then nothing. He couldn’t even recall arriving at the place.

_Am I getting kidnapped? Is this some kind of hallucination?_

“Y- you’re not Jisung-hyung, aren’t you?” Seongwoo tried to maintain clarity in his voice but it trembled anyway.

The person who he thought was Jisung-hyung smiled.

“Maybe not. But you. You truly are our Ongcheongie.”

As the person said those words, his face began to blur. In fact, to his worsening fear, the entire view was getting darker and Seongwoo felt his consciousness faded in tune.

\---

“Is he awake?”

“Probably.”

“Hyung, we don’t have much time.”

“Urgh.” Seongwoo groaned. He could hear faint voice assaulting his eardrums. Pain soared through his head as he felt waves of nausea accumulating amassing at distance.

“It’s about time, Seongwoo.” It wasn’t Jisung’s voice.

Seongwoo jumped from his position, knocked some rigid structure over, and fell to the ground. Thankfully somebody caught his fall midair and he felt strong hands transferring him to a presumably safe place. Seongwoo thrashed and flailed; he refused to be taken away without some sort of defiance, albeit futile.

“Calm down, hyung. We’re not trying to hurt you.” The familiarity in the voice startled Seongwoo. He didn’t expect to hear it at all.

“Woojin-ah?” Seongwoo’s vision was still blurry but he could make the gross picture of the face carrying him and it was indeed Park Woojin. He felt the younger placed him on a plush cushion.

“W- where am I, Woojin-ah?”

“Reunion. Remember?” Woojin seemed concerned.

“Might not want to push it too far, Woojin-ah.” Another familiar voice.

“Minhyunnie?”

“Yeah.” Minhyun said passively. “Sungwoonnie-hyung’s here, too, but right now he’s out buying some medicine. Should be back anytime now.”

“Urgh. My head hurts.” Seongwoo groaned.

“Figures. I bought one for that, too.” He heard Sungwoon’s voice quickly closing in. “Here take this. Here’s your drink.”

Seongwoo gulped down whatever Sungwoon gave him. His vision had returned and he immediately tried to take in his surroundings.

“This is a private room in a café in Seoul. The time is 8 PM. We cut the reunion short after you blacked out.”

“Thank you, Minhyun-ah.” Seongwoo searched for the source of the voice, and he found Minhyun’s angelic face showing an unreadable expression Seongwoo could only read as stoic.

“You’re welcome. Now try to rest. The meds should not take long to work. We need you to be sober enough to walk out not looking like a hopeless drunk.”

If Minhyun was annoyed then Seongwoo couldn’t hear inside his voice. It was purely concern and _pity?_

“I’m sorry you had to cut it short for me. I mean, you could just let me sleep and go on, you know.” They had planned and anticipated this reunion for so long. It was the first they’d have after their disbandment. Seongwoo felt bad literally crashing the long-awaited party.

“To be honest you wasn’t actually sleeping, hyung.” Woojin sounded apologetic. Seongwoo looked at the younger, who looked back at him with an uncannily similar but more apparent expression Minhyun was sporting. And Seongwoo recognized it immediately: pity.

Seongwoo didn’t need them to spell out what he was doing instead of sleeping.

“H- how much did I say?” He stared at an empty can of beer on the table as he said it.

“Umm, Seongwoo,” Sungwoon carefully began. “It’s probably not a good time-”

“Practically everything.” Minhyun cut Sungwoon, earning a hiss from the latter. “Hyung. He have to deal with it, and it’s better sooner than later. While we’re still here.”

“Y-you heard t-that I said ‘I l- love-”

“Yes, hyung.” This time Woojin cut him. “The other didn’t hear that, though. They thought it was inappropriate to hear such things so they left early. Daehwi, Jinyoung, and Jaehwannie-hyung.”

“Guanlin and Jihoon couldn’t make it. Neither could Jisungie-hyung, obviously. And-” Sungwoon hesitated. “Daniel bailed out. He haven’t respond our group chat, either.”

Seongwoo only nodded, but he felt gratefulness overflowing. He was relieved that the person in question wasn’t here to listen to his anger-and-alcohol-fueled love confession. But he felt even more touched by his fellow members. They must had divided responsibilities on who to stay and take care of him. Again Seongwoo felt guilty for ruining their precious reunion; they surely had pressed their schedule to be able to attend.

“I’m sorry. We planned this for month and-”

“No, Seongwoo. Don’t. We understand. Kinda knew it already. In fact, some of us have actually been anticipating things to happen.” Sungwoon shot a glare at Minhyun and Woojin, the latter immediately shook his head.

“N- no, hyung. It wasn’t like that. I- I’m just-” But he couldn’t find the correct word so his explanation died midway.

“We just knew that things like this would happen.” Minhyun took over. “You were rather obviously heartbroken. I would have known even though Sungwoonie-hyung and I didn’t pick you up from bar two nights in a row.”

Seongwoo didn’t respond; he knew where this was going. There’s going to be ‘The Interview Season 2”. _At least this time you’re talking to a real person._

“Are you seriously won’t tell Niellie-hyung? Like ever?”

“Woojin-ah!”

Seongwoo let out an empty laughter. “What’s the point, Woojin-ah? What good will that brings to us?”

“At least you’ll know each other’s feelings, hyung.”

“Yeah, and in return I lose all ties I have with him. At the very least the news confirmed that he liked girls. _Girls, _Woojin-ah. Which means I never have any chance at all.”

It’s true, Seongwoo thought. He never had any chance at all being with Daniel. So why should he burned all the bridges between them? Beggars can’t be choosers, and that’s exactly who Seongwoo was. He had settled being Daniel’s ‘best friend’ or ‘buddy’. He had actually accepted that as reality a long time ago, but hearing the news was just unbearable. Even more so because he had to hear it from _the news_. Not Daniel.

“But you love him?” It was Minhyun.

“I do.” _Simple question, simple answer._

Seongwoo loved Daniel. That much had always been clear.

“You just won’t tell him.”

“Do you think it’s simple, Minhyun-ah? Do you think I’m making easy decision right now? Like, ‘oh it’s fine, I won’t ever tell the love of my life that I love him, I’ll just watch him from afar’?”

Minhyun kept his lips sealed, clearly against any further escalation. Seongwoo, however, currently had one of the worst headache he ever had, and it’s not his fault they’re trying to bait his repressed emotions.

“I hate it. I hate so much the fact that I can’t tell him. Because I know- No! Listen to me, Minhyun-ah. The moment I tell him, it will be over for me. I know you said that I can’t know for sure, but face it! He’s dating a girl! Door’s pretty much closed for me!”

Seongwoo’s head felt like it’s going to split open anytime soon but he continued his ranting.

“I love him. It hurts seeing him dating other girl like this. But what can I do? At least now we’re still close. We’re still talking. I can’t risk losing that, Minhyun-ah.”

“Did he tell you about this girl?” Seongwoo ignored Minhyun’s question. He barely have any power left to debate, especially when Minhyun seemed to have several arguments of choice up his sleeve.

“Look. I know this kind of things will hurt. I know it and I accept it. It’s just sometimes it gets hard accepting that- that he’s happy without me.” Seongwoo gulped as he forced himself to continue. “Maybe this is a test. To see whether I truly love him or not. To see can I still love him even though he don’t know and won’t love me back.”

They fell into uncomfortable silence. Seongwoo could see the figures of three people looking at each other in disbelief, but he couldn’t care less. He knew they’re going to say it stupid. Cliché. Whatever.

“That’s got to be the stupidest thing coming from your mouth. And I’ve witnessed a lot.”

Seongwoo laughed at Sungwoon’s half-amused, half-irritated tone.

“I’m Ongcheongie, hyung. But not just some Ongcheongie.” Seongwoo smiled bitterly. “I’m Kang Daniel’s Ongcheongie.”

_That’s right. I’m a fool for your love, Kang Daniel._

“He could date whoever he wanted and I would stay the same. He could love someone, get married, have kids; and I would still be the same. I would definitely love my nephews, and might even try to like my sister-in-law, although not too much. Have to keep the rivalry alive! Hell! He could hate me!”

Seongwoo stood up. He looked at each of their faces: Sungwoon utterly perplexed, Minhyun blatantly disapproving, Woojin curiously pensive.

“And I-” Seongwoo smiled as he noticed his phone lit up, showing a familiar name calling him, waiting for him to pick up. “I will always love you, Kang Daniel.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I have this mixed feelings about the news and what better way than to tell you in writings.  
I think some fans might relate to Seongwoo in this story. We love him, we want to accept that, but we can't, at least not now but give time for the wound to heals. It's okay to feel heartbroken, it means you still have a heart.  
If you do, hopefully this story can help you cope.
> 
> Please leave your thoughts! <3


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